Transforming Grief
This is a long one, so bear with me. This was a hard topic to write. Perhaps it is because grief is a hard emotion, and I don’t think anything I can write can do it justice- as someone who has yet to experience grief to the magnitude as some of my friends have, I write this from a humble perspective. Through what I have witnessed, I can say that grief is an emotion not to be fixed, but must be honoured as part of the human experience.
Grief is the pain we feel when we bump up against life's non-negotiables, ie: Change and loss.
Associated with the metal element, grief contracts by nature, and encourages us to look within and to identify other sources of sadness we have been holding onto.
Trying to "let it go" or saying things like "everything happens for a reason", or "life is impermanent" are ways we downplay grief.
Like the exhale, “letting go” is one of the lung’s virtues. But we have to remember that in order to let go of something, we first need to let it in. Once the grief is inside of us, it can be felt, witnessed and transformed into a new way of being…
When grief is not fully witnessed, processed and honoured, it can lead to negativity, despair, depression, rigidity, clinging to the past. It can also lead to emotional disassociation. A common expression of this is "gallows humour", which can be seen in someone who laughs nervously during serious conversations in order to deflect from the depth of pain felt underneath.
While we need to face our grief, it can be helpful to know that its impact on our energetic and physical system is tremendous. Grief contracts the Wei Chi fields (protective qi), lowering our immune system. The sticky, sinking quality of grief can be depleting, making self-care, rest and space essential when going through a loss.
Collectively, loss has been a tremendous theme since 2020. We are all probably still feeling the impact from this. Whether you have lost a loved one, a business, a relationship, or simply a change in lifestyle, this energy has to be felt and witnessed in order to be moved through.
When Grief is honoured, we are challenged to fully witness the limits of life and surrender to its mystery with awe and appreciation. Grief is the potent reminder of the inevitability of death, hardship and loss. It is not to be fixed, for beauty becomes palpable within the mud of our grief.
This does not mean grief is easy. The mud is hard. And we must sit in it.
It can be helpful to titrate your grief through healthy distractions and spending time with people who can hold you in your grieving process.
Depending on the extent of your loss, grief might never go away, but becomes more integrated into your life. We start to honour grief as a teacher, rather than something to "get over".
I posted a short Qigong sequence in the Learning Portal that includes exercises that support the lungs. Qigong can be a very helpful tool when sitting in the mud is difficult. You are welcome to join the community for free. You can find the link to join below.
